A friend's daughter recently had to dress up in a storybook character, she chose Cinderella and as I tried on her tiara I was reminded of this love story we grew up to. The happily forever after, is it the reason why single women today still feel that they have to fall in love and find that prince?
As I tried on the tiara the daughter laughed but the mother was staring into space. Somehow I knew exactly what was going through her mind... This is the reason that I'm so happy that I will never fall in love for the first time ever again. The inspiration to today's entry, here it goes...
She expects, on some powerful, inexplicable level that “love” means BOOM! It means immediate, it means definite, it means certain. If you love completely and when you TRUST completely, it means you allow yourself to run into a cemented wall get hit right on your forehead, and knowing how bad that hurts, putting one foot behind the other and then running head first back into the wall again and again and again.
When you meet somebody, it's the same thing. You learn to know them through their words. You take their words as true and believe in them as though they were verses from a Bible.
You tell each other stories and paint each other vivid pictures of what you want them to envision your past as. Your "story" of who you are and why you're that way you are, where you've come from and the real reason behind your short temper. The "truth" is all based on the narrative you give each other.
Each one of you becomes the listener and believes what they tell you and then store their storybook on your mind shelf.
You learn to know where each of your insecurities come from, who you both first loved, when you were first hurt. You get to know how they like their breakfast. You learn their breathing patterns when they sleep and when they are awake. You learn how much of neat freak they are, how they never leave dirty plates on the sink overnight, that they are almost always forgetful even about the intricate details of the first day you met.
You learn to love them regardless of the fact they they smoke, that they'll always put you at risk of gaining more weight because they can never finish their meal without fried chips or bread on their plate and that hearing even a note of a Kwaito or Beyonce song makes their skin crawl. You learn their body pimples and imperfections, their "spots" and their smell.
What you know of a person for CERTAIN is what you see, what you feel and what you experience. What you don't know is that which demands trust for the things you don't see, things you can never see ; their past, their REAL stories, them without you.
Whether it's the beginning of a relationship, or eight years into one you have to practice that act of pure belief in their words. All you have to judge from are the words they give you and in turn, you have to surrender in that space where there's no warning signs or seat belts or even air bags. There's no user guide handbook from a previous user ( their ex) to steer you in the right direction. Actually everyone you meet is a second hand good which has been discarded for one reason or the other. There isn't a contract you can sign or an agreement firm enough to not only assure but buy you insurance against the risk of your heart's safety.
So how do you then, after that "first thing" first omission, first lie, first fabrication first oversight do you get back to that space when you aren't terrified of the being heart broken? One writer said "It's like handing your sleeping baby over to a person walking a tight rope and saying, "just don't drop them."
Yep love and trust is just that...I'm the person, my heart's the baby and he's the wire walker.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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