There is a place that I've been to. Each time I think of it, I get a fever, literally raise up my temperate to the point of getting a physical life threatening seizure. I'll be brave enough and I'll say never again...
If you know me well, as me in person than you know exactly what the word Utrecht does to me "shrieks".... Emadlangeni "shrieks even more..." well I've finally gathered the courage to go back in time and visit a town that represent the most painful (to the point of demonic) memories of my life marriage and career...
And I had said never again, never again will I take the N3 route leading anywhere near over that direction, in fact I've not taken that route since December 2009, yep, not even to go as far as Howick... Why, because it's murder what I went through and though I'm a firm believer that God was teaching me lessons to become the wonderfully blessed woman I am now, somehow I curse the day Utrecht and I met. There were good memories ofcourse don't get me wrong. There are even wonderful people whom I knew and worked well with but beneath the surface is an undeniable stench of filth and rot that keeps choking me up as I whiff it up with every fresh breeze. Just the thought of it grinds life to a halt.
My life now is a Mountain of Roses in comparison to what it used to be. I laugh harder than I ever thought possible, I actually want to wake up each day and head to work. I'm lighter on my feet because of the weight the unnecessary fat I carried from eating my depression away. I almost ate my life away. I was hurting so much. I even remember a day I wanted to run my brand new car over a bridge near Newcastle and die. I wanted to taken my own life away because I could not see past the throbbing pain in my heart. What pain I would have caused to my family if I was no longer around, I now know that they need me more than the worldly troubles I go through. I know now how to endure. I was lonely yet surrounded by people all the time. There were vultures waiting to see me die and eat me away, everyday they stood awaiting lingering for my blood.
There is an R Kelly song "Prayer Changes" do you know it? It speaks testimony to me because I am indeed living proof that prayer changes everything and when I said He had left me, I felt He responded very clearly. Adamantly. “I didn’t ask you to believe in Me. I asked you to believe Me.
I don’t mind telling you that my life changed dramatically after God interrupted my comfortable pace with the “theme” of belief. Some of it has been excruciating, and some of it has been the most fun I’ve had in my entire life. I have a feeling this is the one theme I will probably run into again and again in the course of my journey. Why? Because without faith it is impossible to please Him. In other words, you and I will be challenged to believe Him from one season to the next, all of our days. And if we have even half a heart for God, He’s likely to shake our perimeters and stir up a little excitement.
Believing God is never more critical than when we have strongholds that need to be demolished. Believing God is also rarely more challenging. Why? Because we’ve battled most of our strongholds for years and perhaps tried countless remedies in an effort to be free with very little success. The enemy taunts us with whispers like, “You’ll never be free. You’ve tried a hundred times. You go back every time. You’re hopeless. You’re weak. You’re a failure. You don’t have what it takes.” Every one of these statements about you is a lie if you are a believer in Christ. You do have what it takes. You have Jesus—the Way, the Truth, and the Life. But you can’t just believe in Him to be free from your stronghold. You must believe Him. Believe He can do what He says He can do. Believe you can do what He says you can do. Believe He is who He says He is. And believe you are who He says you are.
Utrecht a town within a game park. Emadlangeni Municipality. It's me and you this Thursday. I'm ready I'm wiser I'm better I'm happier, I'm stronger - heck I'm even prettier.
WHY?
You no longer hurt me. You no longer give me headaches. You no longer give me sleepless nights. You no longer threaten my health. You no longer give me feelings of suicide.
You no longer cling to my every cell suffocating life out of me..... can I get an AMEN?
Mark 9 19-24
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Amen!
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