Wednesday, July 16, 2014

You are damaged goods

I just watched people walk out of the gym. They're walking exhaustion and they are every shape, size and color you'd find in a bag of halloween candy (okay, there are not any purple people yet).

Some are obviously strangers chatting, some are  with friends and loved ones. Some are alone. All of them are damaged, all of them a mixed bag of frustration, happiness, battle scars and optimism. I'd venture to guess each has seen their heart's hope challenged in numerous ways.

I'd venture to guess some are walking towards their next emotional boxing match.

Thing is, no one isn't damaged. Flat out, we're each struggling to find our place if we succeed at 'that' it simply means we've learned to except that the human condition is one of perpetual imperfection. We fear our own emotions, and we most certainly fear the vulnerability that each new person in our life represents. Sharing our lives with someone is our most courageous endeavor; never meant to be easy and never meant to anything more concrete than a commitment to the process. 

Everyone wants someone who's damaged. It's the ones who think they aren't you've got to look out for. Damaged, crazy, quirky, weird, unique; we're all just looking for the damage that shines in the light we see the world through.

What I'm saying might sound like a cliche,'s the imperfections that make a person interesting, loveable, and human. When you live hard, when you love, laugh, work, play, all so very, very hard, you're bound to bust a few bones, break a heart or two, and bear bruises, sometimes for much longer than we'd like.

But, that's LIFE. I, for one, wouldn't want it any other way. Especially because that healing process can be oh so sweet.

 I haven't been consistent in writing because I've been damaged, in so many different ways at many different levels. Each day I get better and though I thought this year was hard and harsh, things seem to be moving in a better direction.

Me? I helped fix me. Obviously the me that was broken and battered didn't have the capacity to do the mending. But the person I became, going through the fog and drudging through it at times became someone that showed the old (broken and battered) me that no, I can't be broken and no I will not allow someone outside of myself to have so much control. They don't deserve it. 

Daily questions and daily non-acceptance of my current state in the muck absolutely would have continued if I didn't have people. People that allowed me to just mope when I needed to (compassion) and brought me dancing anyways (distraction). Danced to the point that I felt free again. But only I could remove the shackles.

Yes we are damaged goods... And I bet we wouldn't have it any other way ��

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


From this....

To this

l might not have ARRIVED where I wanna be, BUT I damn sure LEFT where I used to be...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, October 23, 2011

I take my phone with me to the bathroom. Do you or anyone you know do that? Is it just me? Am I the only one who's self obsessive enough to think that the world will explode if they cannot get hold of me even if it is only a mere minute or half that I’m going to the bathroom? I honestly don’t know why I think I’m that important, but I know I am judging by the way my friend Thembi gets all wrapped up in a tangle when I miss her calls which I admit I never return promptly, then proceed later to call her hubby whom I have a lot of business chats with. Now I do return her call, just not promptly but by that time she's called me all sorts of nasty names which even a free for all blog like mine cannot admit to.
What I'm saying I've grown to create this brand in me that people simply cannot wait to chat.

Now today as I took the iPhone to the bathroom it plummeted down the loo hole and I actually saw it sliding off my thighs but I guess there were just not enough time to save it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My intuition tells me I'm not yet there

Intuition is such a strange feeling, it's like the 6th sense for real. Something so real and tangible you can almost taste it. I knew from a young age, as we all do if we’re tuned into ourselves and our intuition when things just didn’t feel right...

For the past few days I’ve been wrestling with this feeling of unrest, attempting to find the “rightness” in where I am in this moment. Constantly feeling unsettled is driving me to the brink of insanity. I should be happy because in all honesty the world has been my oyster, but yet I have this tingling sensation that I'm not quiet where I should be in my life, weight and career.

Just for a moment I’d like to shut it off, forget the “big picture,” and convince myself that I don’t need to keep searching for fulfillment. You know just loose myself in a few days of drinking and pure indulgence and quiet that voice that keeps telling me there’s more out there.

Yesterday as I was spewing all this craziness out to anyone that would listen, my mom shed some much-needed light on the situation:

That ability to tell when things aren’t right is a blessing. It’s the Universe’s way of guiding you to something that fits better for you. If you didn’t have that you’d never move forward, never get out of your comfort zone, and never experience some of the greatest things life has to offer. That nagging feeling is there for a reason – it’s pushing you in the right direction.

The truth is, she’s right (yes mom, I said you’re right). Every time I’ve made a big move in my life it was spurred on by this feeling that there was a better place for me, that I had the capacity to experience even more happiness than I was already experiencing.

It’s not about failing to find happiness and beauty in the current moment, or looking outside for solutions to internal problems, it’s about allowing these feelings, something most people find as inconsequential – to serve as a guide to what should come next.

Out of all the things we strive to accomplish in our lives, I believe that nothing is more rewarding than experiencing a deeper sense of joy. The fact that we are able to discern between what will bring us closer to this state of being and what will take us further away – is amazing.

I still have that feeling of unrest, but instead of allowing it to represent what is currently lacking in my life, I’ll choose to see it as a guidance tool, a much needed and very clear indication that I have some really spectacular things waiting for me just around the corner...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone