A lot of not so great things have been happening to me and around me, it's sad that I cannot actually share them in detail to avoid implicating myself and complicating things unnecessarily.
I live (no I lie) I work in an environment where you always have to watch your back. You have to arm yourself like a warrior ready to charge on command. I survive by putting up different versions of me to face discard the 'enemies' because when the going really gets tough I refuse to perceive everything as working AGAINST me and rather, as working creatively for me and the betterment of my SOUL.
I'm realising (slowly so) that sometimes life doesn't DO what you want it to, but instead brings along winds of change that come crashing through and momentarily disrupts your imaginary destination. You see, I'm so fixated on the cracks, the pieces that are chipping and I'm constantly scrubbing out the imperfections, always watching with a close eye, always planning ahead as a consolation for the “imperfect” today.
They say it's lonely at the top, and as I graduate towards the highest position in my career I realise it's actually zero, cold freezing up there. And the real question is am I ready for it?
My mentor and friend Proffesor Mayaba said to me this week "Leadership is about assuming a responsibility and not a status" and though he was not directing the statement to me, it left me feeling that I have to take a moment and question my real intensions, am I ready for the responsibility or am I craving the status...
I've noted that there is a different MMABS for every moment; the ME when I'm at home in Creighton (lazy, wishy washy but happy) ; the ME at home in Montrose (bubbly and loud); the ME when I'm around my friends (haven't seen her in ages because I've hardly been around my friends so I can't remember her) the ME at work (smart; sharp bothering on bitchy). It's like being in Hollywood like I'm putting on an act. It's what we all do to gain a certain perception from our audiences in life. We can't afford to be the same everywhere we go because we will miss the point, loose focus and the ideal result of our intensions . People will swallow me alive if I were the MMABS I am home whilst at work and vica versa, trust me I tried being the Director of Corporate Services at home and Sydney quickly put me down to size...I tried the soft motherly approach to managing staff at work, I ended up with a pile of sick notes on all Mondays and Fridays... need I say more?
The only reason we withhold from expressing our AUTHENTIC selves, is because we think, IF we choose to express them, there’s a chance we would be taken advantage of; we won’t be received with a warm heart, open arms and gentle understanding.
Whether its from OURSELVES, or the people around us -if we knew, with unwavering certainty that people would be KIND, our ability to live in harmony with who we actually are and all of our choices would be much more uncomplicated wouldn't it.?We would probably sleep more easily at night.
I have not lost an inch in a while, it's time to get back on those machines I hate so much and crunch my weight down to decency mode.
I'm also talking to you...
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