“Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.”
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
The Nike tops; fancy fitness shoes and sweatpants - all glittery and pink of course- are packed away neatly on the bottom shelf taking a well deserved yet unauthorised leave of absence. After having worked for endless hours on end, I doubt they will miss me or send me a postcard...they've run their course, no pun intended. The slamming my head against an unforgiving brick wall and asking for new weight loss results is also done, and it's as though my scale has a constant imaginary message beeping "You are not welcome anymore" followed by "Can't you SEE the results with your own eyes, you damn fool?" and times I also get a disturbingly abrupt and edgy "F*** OFF"!!!!
I have not worked out in ages but that does not mean I have not been loosing weight, I just have been loosing it through less conventional ways; slower and sometimes more yummy orgasmic ways.... Sorry Daddy for the uncomfortable imaginary pictures in your mind, but yes sex has amazing ways of shedding off the excess kilos ( in the tummy area). I've also been bike riding a lot with my hubby enjoying the serenity and tranquility of peaceful Creighton.
I am so proud of the perservence it has taken me to get this far. If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be freely rocking some size 36 dresses I would have looked them straight in the eyes and told them exactly where to get off.
I guess that's the beautiful thing about life and it's folds- isn't it? If we can gracefully take a step back and look at our lives with a little less attachment to the versions we've visioned in our strict over imaginative minds, we realise that the version we are right now isn't at all bad, that it's work in progress and thats good enough, well at least for now.
I eat less garbage; less crispies; less dripping in oil fats; less fizzies; less pastas less meat...naturally. I'm dealing with all the fears and insecurities of the past one by one. My mind has transformed itself into wanting more fresh fruit and veggies; more water, I'm strangely more thirsty not just for water but for life, for the endless possibilities it brings, the prospects of a new career; the prospects of wanting and getting more love not just from others but from myself; from within. Its as though I'm constantly swimming in the sea of ambiguity and butterflies. Im in love with myself foremost. I'm a tad more ALIVE.
My friend Thembi recently remarked that I was starting to look like I did back at Varsity which is amazing because I really think I was small then. I'm so happy my friends, and I find that happiness attracts people around you who are just as happy as you are and also influences those who are down and out to be optimistic when around your aura, to see life through rose coloured glasses. It's almost as though I've revamped myself into someone new in a strangely nostalgic manner, which begs the question,have I been here before?
Something about my laughs and the radiance of my skin even without MAC reminds me that I've been this person before.... when my heart felt light and mind perfectly refined and rewired. At 31 I have grown into a stronger, wiser me that I have been before some time back. I find myself here again, with that same optimism, that same ambition and even larger, more dramatic fabulosity and perhaps slightly theatrical and over the top rose coloured glasses.
And by the way....Don't ask me anything about the race I was preparing for, just know it will be done just remember that I will be the one spotted in rose colored glasses.
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