Alrighty...which version are we going with today? Candy coated and shiny which reminds me to tell you just how fab I looked at the Trey Songz concert..... or perhaps dull dark possibly cold and not so shiny? Yes, you all know how much I love candy coated shiny but I'll be very real this time around.
The things that people say about us really do hurt us don't they? They hurt even worse if they are untrue, and threaten our very existence if they are said by a person you do not know. A person who you cant tell from a dark or light because till they opened their loose tongue and called out your name, you had no idea of their existence. Let me just crack this story open...
This post might not even make sense to you if you are not the one googling me trying to find whatever joy you can, you might even think this post is about you, and it probably is.
I'm sad. Sad because no matter how far I come up, someone or something manages to bring me right down. And so down the pot I go I'm no fan of sinking or of the force of gravity in any manner even if it's short lived.
I feel that in the past few weeks I've been overcompensating for something or someone and broadly overindulging. I had no idea that I was actually inducing exhaustion and pain by being nice and open. Now I am here unhappy, being punished for my kindness. I'm forced to shove all the unsatisfactory parts into a suitcase stored way behind all the "happy" because I don't wear it too long, and do
you know what's happening to that suitcase right? It gets full. The sad stuff now has a distinct stench, an undeniable musk that is now given life to other equally dark "things."
Sad is only patient for so long, until it becomes a infested village of creepy crawlies feeding off of other creepy crawlies until it's one monster that's so big it wants to swallow you or your being, your very sanity. Or whatever you regard as sacred and worthy. I've recently got myself a NASA approved Tempur bed to sleep away all my sorrows now I have to go find a proper pillow that will really allow me to sleep all this shit off since actually exercising is for the ambitious and I'm a long long way from that word . After all "sadness" isn't exactly the most energetic or athletic emotion I know.
While I was standing near the edge of the beautiful garden in Montrose overlooking Pietermaritzburg, the place I proudly call home I remind myself to BREATHE, to take in the air and my peaceful surroundings , the time and the company I am with and the opportunities I had and have, I say- "I am grateful to be so blessed to be so beautiful and be the kindest woman you will ever meet on this earth. It's so easy to potray that as a sign of weakness, a sign of easiness and bitchiness a sign that you or I am an easy even loose woman but trust me I am NOT. I always remember to take a deep breathe because I know that it's actually the EXHALE that really matters. It's the letting go off all the negativity the threats that threaten to take over your life, the politics or those who think they are more politically aligned and can ruin your life without a proper tick box of facts and for no apparent or legitimate reason at all.
Ah.....yes, to breathe with intention of ejecting the nasty jabbing feeling until your paining shoulders have settled and you feel just a bit lighter, even if it is actually for a second because no one made you, therefore no one can actually break you.
Alright from hereon I'm going to exhale the sad. And let it go. I'm going to loosen the grip of it and like a warrior sacrificing a part of herself in utter devotion to some celestial divines , I'm going to raise my fighting game and I'm going to strike this thing, this enemy against the edge of something sharp and unyielding and I'm going to just let it bleed. I'm going to let her or it run empty and when it's bled out, and feed it to the leeches have their way. What choice do I have, I must fight too.Hey after all I did not choose this...but it Did."
When your heart is HURTING by senseless things and beings take a breath and EXHALE. Apparently it's where all the growing comes from, or so they say...
How in the world did you let yourself be hurt by this thing? Can you surpass the pain? Are you exhaling with viable warrior alert intention? Sit down and just remember to BREATHE.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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