"A life perfect aint perfect
if you dont know what the struggle's for. Falling down aint falling down if you dont cry when you hit the floor. It's called the past 'cause I'm getting past and I aint nothing like I was before you oughta see me now" Alicia Keys
It's 1:13 am and I just can't seem to sleep. I have a feeling a part of my life is wrong missing or changing within me inside me physically and around me.
There are times when you feel that making a bold calculated move would work out better in the long run, only to find that the path leading to the "long run" will be far too long and agonising, to the point of questioning whether the you you were before the change was not better off then the here and now. Whether that bold calculated step was really actually calculated and not just a fragment of your fantasy driven imagination.
The scary thing is once you have taken that step and it makes you realise that not only did you not want it to happen but now that it has happened you are forced to deal with aspects of your life you are uncomfortable with, the aspect that forces you to bring about further change and to make decisions that leave you even more fearful of the future than you have ever been before. To take decisions that are less favorable less comfortable that will bring you more enemies than admirers.
The oddest thing is though you have numerous friends who love and care you feel as though no one is actually there and when they are they will not understand you or "it" in exactly the manner you need them to because never before have you even given a clue that such problem exists because you are a master of seeing the positive in the midst of negative and you create an unrealistic version of the truth and so you are stuck with the made up truth. Too scaredt o be called a liar for bending the truth a little, you keep "it" inside whilst it eats you for all the meals of the day breakfast lunch and supper and as you try to fall asleep at night it sleeps not playing over and over in your mind in a form of daring Qs and nervous As, suppressing you into permanent insomnia.
What to do now!? All I know is if it does not work out it would not be for the lack of trying because hey *taping you on the shoulders* I gave it all I had, my absolute last shot!
The weight shedding journey has been beneficial, not only in my physical body but also my emotional side. As the weight comes off bits and pieces of things that I have held on too for too long in my heart and in my mind are melting away. It's revealing beneath it another girl that I never knew existed. She is bold and not scared to take chances, she is self driven and has a lot of love. She won't be abused or mistreated in any way. She refuses to be yet another victim, instead she takes pride of the journeys she has taken,whom she has become whom she is going to be - in the long run.
My legs are shaping up well thanks to all the running and training. I am definately more fit than I have ever been in my life and I love it. I have to be honest and say I have not weighed myself in a few weeks, but I am already a size 38 heading to 36 Here is a photo I took for you this evening to demonstrate the toned legs. " Yes i was burnt, my soul has returned. Lesson learnt. I aint nothing like I was before you oughta see me now..."
Well then.... Till next time!
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