Sunday, October 23, 2011

My TO DO List

For so much of my life I've had this neurotic nightly procedure, where I sit down and write a to-do list for the next day. Even when there was really nothing "to-do", it was more or less to give me a sense of purpose. A sense of stability. I have always thought of accomplishment, or accomplishing something as a result of strength and drive. It is in fact those things, but I'm realising strength and drive, perserverance- dont always end in the typical terms of "accomplished." There isn't always a happy ending, a trophy with your name engraved, a bonus or a promotion.

Sometimes the endings are messy, sometimes they're painful, or sometimes they're nothing at all. And so often you pull through situations with nothing at the end to show for them. Rather, you've changed leaps and bounds, internally. And the only person that understands that is you. So yes maybe you dont have something to "show" for it, but tangible or not, endings- in any sense, need to be acknowledged within for the lessons you've learned and the beginnings you're now in.

Meanwhile, your ideas of the "new beginning" may not reflect your idea. So yet, another change...and hopefully- medals or not,"perfect" or not, you can acknowledge your strength to persevere. To continue.
Life is better without lists. With lists you're only looking for what you already KNOW, without them...the opportunities, the knowledge, the observations, the day before you can be better appreciated and remaining open makes your ability to appreciate "what is" less of a struggle.

So I continue. With grace and fortitude....


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