Looking back at my vision of shedding extra kilos I had gained over the past 7 years, I thought by now I would be at least 60 kgs LOL!!!!!
It's good to aim high, right?To keep the glass half full and have faith. To nurture my romantic notions but it's just as important, when making crucial life decisions, to make sure that the decision will make the person you are in this today just as happy as the person you will be in a year later.
I have always tended to forget that the person I am right now is also an important part of the equation as the future me.I think my forgetfulness stems from my desire to be more than what I was 5 years ago (or what I am right now). When (for several reasons) you're not comfortable in your own skin, with your own voice and your own potential and limitations, it's easy to make unrealistic decisions like to buy a car that's way above my means because I don't have enough money to make me feel secure right now and I want that to change. So I go test driving a Range Rover and fool the sales person to think he has a buyer, whereas I'm totally waisting his time because I know damn well that I just cannot afford that car. The bank might even approve me but what about the future better yet 3 months from now when the pleasure of owning these wheels subsides and replaced by the urge to slap anyone who admires the wheels that drive my money out of my account faster than it got in. Or I'm going to buy these totally insanely high heels for work because I think I'm too short and not sexy enough and therefore these will surely make me taller and therefore sexier no matter how it continuously harms my back... Oh I can already project what the future me would be saying about the back that's so painful. Or I'm going to slightly starve myself for that event so that the expectations of the people I will be in attendance with are surpassed when they lay eyes on me and the only way to get there is to stop eating all together leading to mood swings and generally no results.
So I continuously make these choices, over and over again, that seemed normal to other people because that's what they've come to know me for and expect but were really based on the super fabulous rich, famous, supermodel version of me created solely in my head which as I begin to live a simpler life you will eventually know is not exactly the reality I've been living in.
So now from herenow on I'm going to make decisions
that will make the Present Me happy as well as the Me down the line. I will stop living off debt, paying off accounts only to buy with them again as if it's my money that I won't ever have to pay back and therefore need not account for. I will stop this because the
I'm going to do my best
to love the Present Moment Me
understand where she's at and what she's capable of and hopefully graduate to staying away from shoes that are only going to make me tip over to the graveled roads of Creighton though I have inkling that this may be taking the Present VS Past me thing a tad too far....
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