Fit into my mother freakin' dress by Friday?

I have a dress that has been sitting in my closet for the past 3 years, a beautiful vintage dress black and white that just won't fit. Funny enough the tag says it's a size 16, I bought it thinking that (at the time yes 3 years ago) I had thought that I was that size. Clearly I lied to myself, but so did the store I bought it in. There is no way that freaking dress is a size 16, no freakin' way...

So I decided that since I could not find a vintage dress to wear at the Durban July I am going to wear this particular dress. The last time I tried to squeeze myself into the dress I damn well nearly broke the zipper... this was a month ago. I have not tried to wear it again but my ego tells me that I should fit into it by this Friday. To make it worse I've been staying at hotels for the past 3 weeks eating the most rich foods they have on their menus, champagne with friends who visit me etc etc...

So to get into this dress I went shopping for a workout DVD that promises miracles, and I found it... Kim Kardashian - Fit into your jeans by Friday, what a way for motivation a beautiful curvy girl who can ensure I fit into my dress by Friday and then... I found this to be a load of bullshit.

Here’s my problem with workout DVDs in general : everyone in the video is always smiling. What is that about? Do you smile when you gym? I don’t smile at the gym. I never run my heart out on the treadmill in front of the mirror and ridiculously
grin like a black barbie, maybe this is my problem, because the people in the workout DVDs have killer bodies and high fitness levels and maybe the secret to both of those things is smiling like you’re in the middle of the most important photo shoot of your life like Kim Kardashian while paining like crazy, hahaha oh well I will update you on my progress. Please please hold your thumbs for me.


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