Monday, April 11, 2011

A lie can send you to the truth

Whenever I start to write I start feeling inadequate or unsure if I can write well and present my ideas to you in the same brilliant way they live in my head. Other times I have nothing to write home about literally blank and stress myself as though writing has to come from some deep secret place which you have tap into to excreet that brilliant writing juice.

Most times I lie to myself and believe that if I lay there still enough in my bed to the point where I am meditating myself to a yoga session that I will be magically transformed into the greatest blogger space where there are plenty of ideas to trigger the best writer in me. I lie to myself because i know damn well that it cones naturally when its there it just is. And when its not there then its not and you don't have try so hard because it wont work.

I lie a lot to myself latetly and sometimes to you, yes you Miss or Mr thats reading my post right now. I lie because at times I just cant bring myself to tell you all of the times i fail, where I fail to complete my workout because I literally feel like I am breathing out my life with every heavy exhale. The times where it seems i am gaining all the weight back faster than I lost it. Times where its impractical to workout. Times where I feel hunger pangs all the time, when my frame of mind is not of the winner i have become in the last weeks. Times like now, here in this moment.

I have gained 3kgs back. Yep and it's all on my face, I feel bloated and my cheeks are huge! I could say to you that I am ok and I will work out soon but with the stitches on my abdomen it will seem most unlikely.

I could also start that juice cleanser diet that helped me shed 5 kgs last year.... But the thought of consuming a fluid diet of fruits and veggies coupled with the thought of cleaning out the blender strangely brings about abdominal pains far worse than the pains I endured in hospital last week. So if I said that would do it I would be telling yet another lie.

I don't know if my feelings are justified but I do know that I don't have to be great all the time, at the back of mind I know that weight loss will come because I am determined, I know that it won't come from me feeling sorry for myself I just think and believe that it just has to come from deep within and naturally, someplace TRUE!


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