Like the weather that changes ever so often this month, some days are easy,some not so much. Some days I can fit into fab clothes at other times I don't fit.
I had a bout if flu which started last week Friday, I could not believe how sick I was, especially in the mornings so I stopped doing cardio. Tomorrow morning will be exactly one week from my last work out session. I am not counting the hell Sat jog I had with mom where I was reminded just how sporty and physically fit she is, still and which probably escalated my flu to point of no return.
Nevertheless less I understand that not all days will be the same and the main purpose is having the right attitude and right focus and determination to achieve my goals. This blog comes easy to me because I am a "natural writer" but I am still learning to deal with the negative aspects of being a blogger, and I wonder if I am emotionally fit for this role.
It's easy to talk when you are not wearing my dress size, when you can easily find a size out of a sale rack. I think they probably make about 4 size 42s (18) and perhaps 8 size 40s (16) of all the types of clothes I like to dress my body in. This means that the designer could not forsee the possibility of his creativity enforced in a size bigger than a 14 or 38, and since it's been proven that more women are gaining weight than not, he or she will just offer the bigger size to reach a certain profit margin but not enough times or to the extent that it's seen regularly in public, lest people might not quiet get the original outlook of the garment (the fuller figure tends to completely misplace the ideology).
A Jenni Button staff member once told me that if you dont fit into their size 40 than you are probably not their customer. I smiled and said well I've got to make sure I don't gain anymore because I can hardly fit their idea of size 40 past my double D ( approaching E) cups, you see it always went past my head but never quiet past my well endowed twins. She felt embarrassed and hurriedly told me that I need not loose weight, and just how beautiful I was. I looked her up and down her size 32 frame and said "I know that but yeah right!".
I eventually stopped going there and eventually stopped going shopping all together. I suddenly developed a new mature tendency to save money, or at least thats what I told those who knew me well enough to notice the sudden impromptu decline of my love for shopping. You would be happy to know that I now fit loosely into their 40s which by right is actually a size 38 in other stores ( trust me I've tried a L-O-T of sizes lately ;-)
Truth is I've never felt that this IS my size, the smallest I've ever been was a 34 the highest a 44 however I felt most comfortable at 36. I have always said that I don't need to be stick thin, I just want to find my body again, the body I had already lost way before having kids. I definitely can't really blame this on child rearing.
It's normal to get both supporters and critics when you go all out in public about something so private but whether you are a critic or a supporter whether it's out of jealousy or envy or real inspiration - if my public broadcast about my imperfections can in any way motivate you to want the best body for yourself then my job is done, the intentions of this blog are achieved. So whoever you whatever change you need to make to your body, I am proof that all of us share the same sentiments when it comes to self consciousness and body image.
I hope that our dream weight will eventually be achieved and though I have had many failures along the way, I am a firm believer that the future belongs to those who see possibilities before they become obvious.
You don't believe me?
Google Einstein :-)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Interesting piece....a bit of an insight to how women feel about their looks and size.
ReplyDeleteSome of you might find it comforting to know that some men also go through such emmotions or frame of mind regarding their looks&weight.
The only difference I have come to notice is that pressure from young studs who aren't afraid to flaunt their ripped bodies seem to drive them to a point of self consciousness and the thought of having their girlfriends or wives having to compliment and muse on how sexy that young guy is,somewhat drives them to a point where heading to the gym doesn't just become a hoby/habit but a necersity.
"Fit minds deserves fit bodies"....those were some of my grandfather's favourite words