Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Unveilling the camouflage

"The pain of the addiction has to be greater than the pleasure before one is motivated to change" (The Addiction Theory of Psychology). I believe this theory is relevant to being overweight and choosing to live with it - fat acceptance if you will.Psychologically you could choose to say I am ok, that I am beautiful - I accept with the way I look. I am like that, I buy the nicest clothes do my hair frequently, use the most expensive perfumes just so I can feel good about myself. So that when you look at me I am so strikingly beautiful that it completely diverts your attention from my fat body to my smooth delicate chocolate glowy skin, thanks partly to the wonders of MAC make-up. The addiction theory translates this whole thing down for me - that the pain of being overweight and shameful has to be far greater than the pleasure of eating the wrong foods and not execising before one can be motivated to do something. But how do I start to feel the pain of being overweight when I work so hard on masking it with the best clothes and make up money can buy? How do I begin to tap in to the inner core of my weight issue/s and actually feel the desire to change? In the previous publication I refered to the pain of looking at pictures of me as always being the fat one next to my friends, but I am a Leo ( huge ego) and that shame is temporary. I want to explore my history write about circumstances in the past which could start to envelope some truths for me, I want to find the pain no matter how uncomfortable it might be. Please bear with me as I take off the camouflage to visit whats behind me and to air some overdue dirty laundry.

1 comment:

  1. You are an amazing writer, you're not just touching the surface but ensuring you take us on your journey. I love the introspection about "I am a Leo (huge ego) and my shame is temporary" and about how to start feeling the pain of being overweight when you can cover it up.

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